The Creature from the Black Lagoon speaks against the current zombie craze

Me, Creature.

You, youth of world. Hot demographic.

You like the vampire.

Creature get you like the vampire.

Then you like the werewolf.

Creature get you like the werewolf.

Now you like the zombie.

Creature no get you like the zombie.

Is all so five minute ago. What be next big teen and tween monster craze?

Is simple. Is me!

Creature strong. Creature swim good. Have nice smile. Good personality. Creature make zombie look like suck. Me breath under water. Me have killer abs. Should be called rock-hard six-pack from Black Lagoon!

But not all tinsel, glamour in Black Lagoon. For one thing . . . is black. For me, so so black. Is lonely. Lonely bad. People is yell at Creature from Black Lagoon, “hey, ‘goon!” Is for short. Me no like. Name not goon. Name Creature. Creature junior technically. Me no like names. Me no like bullies! Me gentle tender, yes. Me have complex inner life. Me take, drag bully under water. Ha ha! Bully is no breath under water. See how funny is bully then!

But me no hurt you. Me friend. Me love. But still no sparkle hug girlfriend for Creature, no, no. Lonesome!

So me, Creature you love, is good, yes? Creature like love. Love good yes.

Be friend? You me like.

Or me drag you under water.

-- Creature